This week Mom kept a holding pattern - holding back from staying awake, holding back from eating - holding back from participation. In other words, she was just there. She was in a good and cooperative mood but just wasn’t interested in much else than sleep.
The most she had eaten this week was about 80% of her dinner one night - but that was more of a memorable occasion, since she really didn’t eat more than 20% of anything since then, and before that she’d eaten nearly nothing. Maybe this is how she creates an appetite? I doubt it.
For me, it was tough that I couldn’t share that her #2 son, Tom, had died (he would argue that saying “Passed” made no sense - people die - they don’t pass) the previous weekend. But, she probably wouldn’t be able to process it, and it would have done nothing but upset her (just as it upsets her when someone mentions that Dad or her mom have died). So, in her condition, it was logical that she not attend the funeral in Seattle (that and taking her out would have been high holy Hell for her! Not to mention me! Her stress levels would have been extreme if she could stay awake that long.
And so, her week went on - staff needing to convince her to rise from her bed and slumbers and then trying to get her to eat.
On Tuesday, she was given her shake, but then would take a little sip and put it down. The staff would hand it back to her, and she’d sip and put it down. I mean, she’d sip it - not her usual long drag of ingestion. This went on until she’d finished - Leddy was worried that otherwise, she’d eat nothing! And right she was.
Wednesday, Connie, and Jean came for a ribald visit (I’m exaggerating, just a tad here - I doubt either of them or Mom, could really be bawdy at this time). Here is their account:
Dear Tony,
We checked in at St.Anthony's at 12:05 today. Lunch was being served, with residents at different stages of eating their meal. Norma was at the head of the table, not seeming to pay attention to her "subjects" along both sides of the table. She was wearing a bright blue shirt with white on the top part.
We greeted the other ladies at the table: the two Lucilles, Elizabeth, and Dorothy.
Connie had a new Wall Street Journal for Norma to peruse. She held it on her lap, we hoped to read later.
We remarked on the beautiful, warm day, and Jean said maybe we could go out to the gazebo. Connie picked up on that, reminding Norma what fun we had playing Scrabble there.Norma showed no interest in what we said then, or for most of our time there.
A dish of soup was in front of Norma, so Jean picked up a spoon and offered a bite...no interest there. A second try...same thing. Soon there was a full plate of white fish, cut up, baby carrots, a few pieces of potato, and a generous serving of peas. Apparently she had drunk the glass of juice and a cup of coffee.
It's always a challenge for us to be able to get some food into Norma. She did take nearly half the fish, a few carrots, no peas, no potatoes. No more for her. Jean watched with admiration how the caregivers help and feed the ladies who need help.
Then Elsa served green jello with a blob of whipped cream. Elizabeth, to the left, had polished off her meal with barely a crumb left. A few minutes later, we saw her drinking the jello, which was melted by the warm sun from the windows above. Thinking what a good idea that was, Jean asked Norma if she wanted to drink her jello--nope, but she did a few bites of the unmelted jello.
Jean told her friends that she was going to invite her sister Kathleen to visit. "Would you like to see Kathleen?" Jean asked. "Yes," was the prompt, very quiet answer.
When anymore eating seemed to be a lost cause, Jean brought out little oranges for the three of us. she separated Norma's on a paper towel, with ours the same way. Last time we had oranges she ate all of hers; no help needed.
This time, she did not seem to want any, but when Jean brought each piece to her mouth,she ate all of it. That is, all except for the piece Elizabeth helped herself to. She was quick for an old lady!
Maybe Mom would like some more coffee. We offered it, asking if we should get some for her. That little, tiny not-Norma voice answered, "Probably." Elsa brought out the coffee creamer to add to Norma's coffee, and Jean poured a cup for Connie. Most of our time with her, Norma had her eyes closed. Yet she heard us.
Norma was quite unresponsive most of our time there--1.25 hours. She seemed very sleepy. We wondered if she did not have a decent night's sleep. When her head dropped down, we decided it was time for us to leave. We promised to be back "in a few days."
It was as good a visit as any we have these days. We plan to be at St.A's as long as Norma is. She did seem comfortable in her wheelchair; no pain mentioned.
Thursday and Friday Mom was difficult to get out of bed. In fact, on Friday she didn’t budge. I asked if they checked for breathing, and they said it was unnecessary as it was obvious she was. But they opened the windows, called her name, made all sorts of sounds - and yet she remained sleeping. This sounded nearly a repeat of two months prior. However, soon she awakened and was out with the rest of them, staring at her lunch.
Saturday she was better, but it still was rather late when they were able to roust her from bed. And, she ate very little.
Today, Sunday, she appeared the same, but then was ready to pounce on the day. I arrived less than an hour later - in fact, I was there in under 30 minutes - but she was asleep. She’d hardly touched her plate, if at all. She wasn’t interested in the yogurt and told me she just didn’t feel right. When probed, she just stared at me as though I were a mirror.
Did she know who I was? Well, I asked her, and then she closed her eyes and dropped off to snoozing.
Her voice was very low and quiet today. Her sentences made sense. She liked the flowers I brought her and finally agreed to smell them.
She told me she hadn’t read the paper nor seen it, and I directed her attention in front of her where it was on the table. She took a glance and then went back to slumbering.
I told her my brothers all sent their love and she, again, just stared, then went back to sleep.
At last, I told her I loved her and I’d see her soon. Her response was, “Maybe”. Was this an omen? I doubt it. However, it seems she has begun to cough again, and it’s increasing, so I’m told. This could be pneumonia again, and it could be asperative, as well, which could be awful - painful and possibly fatal. We’ll keep a close eye on that - hospice has been informed.
So, thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. While her life hasn’t been riddled with all the twists and turns of the past two years (which I have to admit I’m bittersweet about not having) she is still looking a peck onery. But, we’ll see how she does in the ensuing week.
Have a good one.
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