Today we received our first snow of the year - it wasn’t sticking everywhere, and when I visited Mom it still hadn’t arrived. The air was cold and the traffic wasn’t very thick, probably in anticipation of the weather. As we left the dog park this morning, watching a few random flakes fall, I began thinking over the week for Mom and how it was so different this year than the last.
On Monday, Mom began walking about with the walker - under heavy advice (she didn’t want to use it) - and participated in all the activities. She was alert, accepting, and cheerful.
Tuesday brought more of the same. Surrounded by the decor, Mom might as well have been anywhere else. None of it meant anything to her, but she said she liked it. She ate well, and, again, participated and walked a great deal.
Wednesday, Mom received a treat - some of her favorite candy and cookies - Mount Rainiers, Snickerdoodle (or Rich) Bars, and Russian Tea Cakes. I brought her tub of them, knowing she would like some every day. She seemed apathetically pleased; she said she liked them, opened it up, took a Mount Rainier, and then told me to put it in my room (meaning her room). I did. There was no fuss, but she ate it with a smile. That was good enough!
She conversed amiably with the woman across the table from her, but all other words and thoughts were either jumbled in her mumbling, or they didn’t track to make sense. She was presented with her paper soon after lunch and she began reading it - there was no one else present in her mind. I stayed with her for a bit, and then realized my presence was for my own good so I took my leave.
Thursday, Christmas Eve, the RLC arrived for their weekly visit. Here is their summary:
Dear Tony,
Thursday was a good day for us to visit Norma. We got there at 11:30, and found her sitting at a table across from a lady who was working on a puzzle. They were not communicating with each other; your mom seemed sleepy. But she perked up when she saw us.
Connie had brought a copy of the Wall St. Journal, and Jean had brought two puzzles--only 24 pieces each. Then they noticed the other lady was working on a puzzle that size. Jean did not write Norma's name on the boxes; anyone can use them. We could see that puzzles of various sizes are popular with some residents, and hold their attention. It's one way to avoid being bored for those who look for more stimuli.
Your mom had apple juice in a glass, and half a cup of coffee. Jean offered to heat it up, but she said no. Later when Jean offered she said yes.
We admired the decorations in the room, and Jean picked up that darling piece showing a living room with fireplace, Santa Claus, a tiny dog, stockings hung on the fireplace, tiny milk, and cookies on mantel--even tiny gifts showing in the stockings. She carried it to show to the several residents and gave them a few minutes to see all those details. We had it at our table for a while, then Jean returned it to the table where the little machine was playing Christmas music.
Caregivers were bringing bowls of tomato soup to residents. Norma and Connie were having some; Jean asked for a cup instead of a bowl. Much less effort to drink it than to carefully scoop up a spoonful at a time. We all agreed it was a good soup.
Lunch plates showed a good serving of (I think) cole slaw, some finger food of ? and a lovely half sandwich of white meat with cheese, slightly melted. It had been lightly cooked with an egg batter. Norma was interested in the salad only; could not entice her to eat anymore. We were surprised; we had not given her any candy to dull her appetite.
Came pill time...oh my! Lynn leaned from the opposite side of the table with offer two pills to Norma, telling her they were for her back pain. Norma was NOT about to take them: "I don't have any back pain" was her message. Lynn said the doctor wants her to have them; Jean said they would prevent future back pain. Nope! Connie gave it a try; Morina came to add her persuasive words. (There were two pills; we wondered if one was an anti-anxiety pill.)
Plan B: return the pills to where they are kept. Again--NOPE! Pills were already in Mom's hand, and she clutched them defiantly with her mouth pinched tight. Lynn tried, Jean tried, to say they had to be returned to where they are kept, but it a losing battle.
All of us felt some sympathy for Norma, who has control over fewer and fewer things in her life. We almost laughed, since it was so Norma. But we all sympathized with her wanting to make her own choices. At that time, she definitely made a choice.
We had been there two hours and soon said our goodbyes, saying we would see Norma in a few days. She bade us goodbye nicely but did not unclutch her hand, even as she had the WSJ opened to peruse it. It was a good visit, all things considered.
The next day was Christmas. I had been asked to bring more Depends for her, and I gladly obliged. She was in her room dozing in her chair. She could hardly keep her head up, let alone finish a sentence before she was sound asleep, once again. I stayed for a short time, wondering what would make a good visit in the near future. She did eat some candy - she finished the Mount Rainiers! but she left an ample supply of the others.
She spent the rest of the day engaged, later, in walking around the cottage for a goodly amount of time.
Saturday, Mom spent her time much the same as on Friday. She was quite congenial all week, which was quite a gift to the staff. , She did go back to bed, for a while, then came out for dinner wearing her nightie. Rosa took her back in to make her a bit more presentable before she ate. Mom put up no struggles!
Come Sunday, Mom slept in a bit later than usual. She arose though still around 8 am. She ate an ample breakfast and then spent her morning sleeping and with her paper at the table. It would appear that the methadone puts her into slumbers soon after it’s administered, but then she peps back up in a relatively short amount of time - I tend to pop in when she goes down for the short count.
I gave her some more of her candy, and she ate some, then told me to put it back. And, off she went to her newspaper world. I asked her about one of the articles, and she began telling me a story about some people and their children - it had nothing to do with the printed page. Of course, sadly, most of what she stated was lost in the mumbling and the non-sequitorial mode in which she speaks, lately.
I did compliment her on her participating more, lately. She replied that I needed to watch what I said as it was quite rude and people would be very angry. Again - she made no sense.
What can be taught from this week?
Mom has regained her grip strength, can walk with the walker (although she really doesn’t want to - but they catch her without it), and is quite at peace. Now that the issues of constipation have been dealt with it seems she has much more energy, but is still degrading at a steady rate - but not quickly; no, that might be in a few weeks time, or it might just simply progress like this.
But, whatever the rate, she is content and at peace. What more could one want?!
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