Coming to Terms with One's Own Dementia...

As we age, we sometimes attribute faulty memory to the circumstances.  After all, who has a perfect memory, except for those rare and few cases.

But, let's say you began having troubles walking, began shaking uncontrollably for small spaces of time - a few seconds, here and there, or even a minute or two, and then things were just not seemingly normal from your perspective....What would you do?

According to The Dementia Guide.com,  most who grow into the affliction aren't truly able to notice what's really going on.

Here are some symptoms that we, those who are not undergoing the brain changes, would see:

• Does not know or understand that he or she has dementia. (This is also an example of thesymptom of loss of comprehension/understanding)
• Is oblivious to own memory or related problems (e.g. does not know he or she repeats themselves)
• Claims to be actively doing things he or she no longer does (e.g. laundry)
• Falsely believes he or she is still able to do things as well as they used to
• Does not recognize when he or she makes a mistake
• Cannot describe their feelings to people. This can also be an example of the symptom of language difficulty)
• Does not recognize themselves in the mirror
• Unaware of their own skills and abilities
• Denial of the disease

But those who are close to them see these things happening.  

In the beginning stages of Alzheimer's disease and dementia with Lewy bodies , people have varying degrees of self-awareness. Some people are very aware of their limitations, making them feel sad for the way they are now and making them worried about the future. In general, as the disease progresses, the level of self-awareness will most likely decline. In the earlier stages of the disease, the person you care for may deny or not understand that they have the disease. This can result in them not realizing their own limitations in their abilities , such as driving. As well, the person you care for may believe that they are completing tasks which are now being done for them. For example, they may think they have made the bed when someone else has. As their self-awareness declines, so will their ability to express their thoughts and feelings accurately. This loss of self-awareness does not have to be a negative thing. If someone with Alzheimer's disease does not recognize their decline, it is possible that they could believe they were suffering less. (DementiaGuide.com)

With Mom, there were times when she would put out an SOS to me about something that wasn't quite right.  Perhaps it was that she had mail all over the dining room table; it could be that she couldn't locate something that was right under her nose; or perhaps it was when she took a nap, woke up and saw the red sky, jumped up, took a shower, dressed, ate a quick breakfast and then drove madly to her friend's home to discover it really wasn't morning, but night, and the hike was 12 hours away; or that she would become lost in places very familiar to her.

But honestly, Mom was also in denial.  I believe she knew more than she let on to most people.  She wouldn't even tell her doctors - for fear that what has come to pass (her needing to be in a Memory Care) would.  She wouldn't even allow them to know her mother had suffered from Alzheimer's, and was indignant that anyone would assume there may be a problem with her thinking or memory - she still claims her memory is far better than anyone she knows. 

And, this is typical.  According to the online journal, Dementia e Neuropsychologia, patients tend to dismiss or deny there is anything happening, or any reason for concern:

Lack of awareness of deficits associated with Alzheimer's disease (AD) has been commonly reported as a clinical feature of dementia and can be present from the early stages6, ranging from very mild to very severe. The milder severity is seen in the form of acknowledgment of memory impairment but minimization of its severity, whereas the most severe intensity is shown as claims of good memory skills5. Several studies have focused on the various factors involved in lack of awareness in dementia, namely the presence of cognitive deficits, the site(s) of the lesion, presence and severity of depressive symptoms, severity of the disease, and the existence of psychological mechanisms of adaptation1,6-8.(Dementia e Neuropsychologia)

So, what if her doctor or family hadn't taken notice?  What if she'd been allowed to go on with her existence without her support?  

Another topic for another day. 

The Days of Wine and Roses Ice Cream...or The Week Ending 1/18/2015

What a week.

Let's see...Hmmmmm....where to begin.

Well, The RLC, (Connie and Jean) went to pay a visit to Mum's on Wednesday.  This was a very good day. Mom had quite a time playing many tiles but formed good enough words to win, with Connie and Jean coming in close second and third!

That same day, I received a call (whilst they were visiting) informing me that our dear, sweet, sweet, charming, mother had been "stomping (so something of the sort)" on another resident's foot.  My My My....
It was thought, perhaps, the other resident was too much in Mother Dearest's space, and this was Mom's way of dealing with it.  I stated we needed to look at it as though we were dealing with 4 year olds, and I heard agreement.  That's sad, but it's where we are.... there may be an investigation...uh oh.

This morning, I found Mother resting comfortably in her recliner drinking something clear from her glass.  I assumed it was just water, or some juice.

Yes.  Juice.

No.

It was wine.

She'd been sipping at it for the past 30 minutes, or so, after breakfast.  She thought it pretty good she could have it.  I thought it a bit too early, but then, she thinks it's June.

I asked her about the week, and she told me that last night and this morning, they brought all the residents together on the "other side" for some sort of ritual.  She couldn't quite state what that meant, and when pressed, she began telling me about the visit from her cousin.

Yes, Alice, her cousin, had apparently been visiting her.  They had a good visit, but then they both decided they wanted to take a bath at the same time.  Alice beat Mom into the bathroom, so Mom just decided there wouldn't be enough hot water once Alice had finished.  After, Mom said Alice left and went home to her family.

Mom also told me that a nice young couple had come along and took her to their house.  It was a nice house, but she really couldn't recall much about it, and then they brought her back in time for breakfast.

How wonderful she was so busy these past hours!

But it didn't happen.

She also told me she had her choice of bourbon or wine, and that one of the attendants was quite generous and gave it to her whenever she asked!

That's partly true - for dinner, and the wine.  The rest is from the other side of the looking glass.....

Mom is proud of the flowers on her sill.  She named the bamboo "The Soldier" flower, because it is taller and more upright than the others (it's also the only one that's alive - the others are silk).  But they are vividly colored, and make her quite happy; that's important.

She still has tons of soda, which she thought we should tak e to Jean's house, as Mom plans on moving before tomorrow.  She also has tons of oranges, chocolate bars with almonds, and  - oh oh!  Black Bananas!

Where did those come from?

We bought them a week ago, I believe, as she stated she wanted them on her cereal (I figured, she could peel them and eat them, otherwise).  She just left them on the counter to ripen and rot.  Ugh!

I took them up, and she said, "Don't you want to keep them for your cereal?"
"Mom, they're black.  They're no good anymore."
"Well, why don't you just mail them?"
"Mail them?  Why would I mail them, and to whom?"
"I meant Nail them."
"Nail Them?
"No, Mail Them.  To show they're still good!"
I tossed them in the kitchen debris.
Mom was enjoying that wine!

We finally left for Jean's house.
We had a good lunch, and Mom seemed pretty much in sync - but her thoughts didn't match; she sort of knew what was going on, but her thoughts belied that she was thinking something else.  We all played along.

Mom couldn't finish her tuna pita, nor her soup, but she certainly had no issues with chowing down on a bowl of ice cream!  Never fails!

Soon, though, she actually did seem as though she was quite present.  It was Mom from a couple of months ago!  Nice!

Terry came by and we all had a wonderful visit.

Soon, though, it was time to go.

Mom had complained of pain in her leg, but finally acknowledged to me that it was shooting down from her pelvis.  I reported this, and so they're going to look into a possible UTI screening for her.  I hope it's simple and quickly dealth with!

So, aside from some interesting goings on that were actually dreams, and from her having quite the rosy day beginning with spirits that helped make her a little higher than normal, Mom had a pretty good week/day.

She had no clue what I was saying about the "foot stomping", and told me I was full of bologna, so I let it slide.

On an upper note, though, she does want to go pants shopping!  We'll have to wait until the 28th when we visit Dr. Brad at the Dentist's Office, for that adventure, though!