Coming to Terms with One's Own Dementia...

As we age, we sometimes attribute faulty memory to the circumstances.  After all, who has a perfect memory, except for those rare and few cases.

But, let's say you began having troubles walking, began shaking uncontrollably for small spaces of time - a few seconds, here and there, or even a minute or two, and then things were just not seemingly normal from your perspective....What would you do?

According to The Dementia Guide.com,  most who grow into the affliction aren't truly able to notice what's really going on.

Here are some symptoms that we, those who are not undergoing the brain changes, would see:

• Does not know or understand that he or she has dementia. (This is also an example of thesymptom of loss of comprehension/understanding)
• Is oblivious to own memory or related problems (e.g. does not know he or she repeats themselves)
• Claims to be actively doing things he or she no longer does (e.g. laundry)
• Falsely believes he or she is still able to do things as well as they used to
• Does not recognize when he or she makes a mistake
• Cannot describe their feelings to people. This can also be an example of the symptom of language difficulty)
• Does not recognize themselves in the mirror
• Unaware of their own skills and abilities
• Denial of the disease

But those who are close to them see these things happening.  

In the beginning stages of Alzheimer's disease and dementia with Lewy bodies , people have varying degrees of self-awareness. Some people are very aware of their limitations, making them feel sad for the way they are now and making them worried about the future. In general, as the disease progresses, the level of self-awareness will most likely decline. In the earlier stages of the disease, the person you care for may deny or not understand that they have the disease. This can result in them not realizing their own limitations in their abilities , such as driving. As well, the person you care for may believe that they are completing tasks which are now being done for them. For example, they may think they have made the bed when someone else has. As their self-awareness declines, so will their ability to express their thoughts and feelings accurately. This loss of self-awareness does not have to be a negative thing. If someone with Alzheimer's disease does not recognize their decline, it is possible that they could believe they were suffering less. (DementiaGuide.com)

With Mom, there were times when she would put out an SOS to me about something that wasn't quite right.  Perhaps it was that she had mail all over the dining room table; it could be that she couldn't locate something that was right under her nose; or perhaps it was when she took a nap, woke up and saw the red sky, jumped up, took a shower, dressed, ate a quick breakfast and then drove madly to her friend's home to discover it really wasn't morning, but night, and the hike was 12 hours away; or that she would become lost in places very familiar to her.

But honestly, Mom was also in denial.  I believe she knew more than she let on to most people.  She wouldn't even tell her doctors - for fear that what has come to pass (her needing to be in a Memory Care) would.  She wouldn't even allow them to know her mother had suffered from Alzheimer's, and was indignant that anyone would assume there may be a problem with her thinking or memory - she still claims her memory is far better than anyone she knows. 

And, this is typical.  According to the online journal, Dementia e Neuropsychologia, patients tend to dismiss or deny there is anything happening, or any reason for concern:

Lack of awareness of deficits associated with Alzheimer's disease (AD) has been commonly reported as a clinical feature of dementia and can be present from the early stages6, ranging from very mild to very severe. The milder severity is seen in the form of acknowledgment of memory impairment but minimization of its severity, whereas the most severe intensity is shown as claims of good memory skills5. Several studies have focused on the various factors involved in lack of awareness in dementia, namely the presence of cognitive deficits, the site(s) of the lesion, presence and severity of depressive symptoms, severity of the disease, and the existence of psychological mechanisms of adaptation1,6-8.(Dementia e Neuropsychologia)

So, what if her doctor or family hadn't taken notice?  What if she'd been allowed to go on with her existence without her support?  

Another topic for another day.