The Must Have List: what to have in place just in case ....

With the future so uncertain as we age, there are so many things we know we need to do but would rather not.  We don’t necessarily want to face that reality that we all will have to face our demise.  But, too, there is also the chance that we might become incapacitated - be it through illness, accident, or some event that puts us at the mercy of others.  Forethought is always the best defense.  

So, that said, what I will attempt is a list of the items you really should have in place.  Sure, there may be changes that need to be made - but make them sooner than waiting until it’s too late.  

I speak to you, the reader, but this is also advice for your parents, friends, relatives, etc.  No one expects to be diagnosed with dementia or any other ailment;  this is just insurance for you, your family, and friends so you are allowed to maintain your dignity while you are fighting.

1. Medical Power-of-Attorney.  This is a must.  You need to assign someone the role of making all those decisions for you - someone you trust; don’t assign someone because they demand it (sometimes it’s best to tell those people that you would rather have someone who isn’t quite so close to you as they would have more objectivity and wouldn’t be quite so blinded by emotion), but because they are people you trust.  Usually, you want two people.  

Mom had two people - her best friend in Port Angeles, as she was the one who was geographically closest and could deal with anything quickly, and me, as we had discussed her wishes and she believed me to be the one who would be unfettered by anyone else’s opinion.   Once Mom was committed, I became the sole Medical PoA for her, as her bestie was too far away to help make any decisions, and I was readily available.

  2.   Durable Power-of-Attorney.  This, too, is a must.  This will be the person, or people,

who you will determine to take care of all your affairs, financial and the lot while you are

incapacitated.  

Mom chose three of her sons and we determined it would be best for just one to handle

things (Yay, me!).  And that worked.  They are there for advice and they also do their part,

as I cannot fathom many facets of what needs be done - they do.  Luckily.

  3.       Elder Law Attorney.  This will be helpful to determine and advise in cases of needing

to locate funds or handle the MedicAid world.   They can help you Spend Down,

determine assets, determine how to navigate whatever path needed to be followed in a

time when either you or a loved one needs to find a  caregiver or a care facility.

 4.      A Good Medical Team.  Be it Gerontologist, Cardiologist, Neurologist, or whatever sort of

team you need to put together.  With Lewy Body Dementia, I had to make many calls to

find those who knew the disease and would be knowledgeable enough to help us down the

rocky road.  And, what makes our team even better, they know each other and they talk -

priceless!

 5.       A Will.   A good attorney will help you put this together.  This should enable you to rest

knowing all your assets are taken care of as you wish.  It also allows your heirs to avoid a

lengthy process of dividing your estate, which could cause unease amongst them (and in

some cases, there are those who would actually enjoy that thought).  

You might also look into making a Living Trust, in which you keep all your assets, and

upon death they are parsed out to your designated heirs.

  6.      A Living Will. This is important!  What are your wishes should you become

incapacitated and unable to determine if you would rather be resuscitated or not, kept

alive (for how  long?), or whatever you need to determine you die with dignity.  

           Mom doesn’t have one of these, however, she has made her wishes quite clear, and it is

up to me as the Medical Power-of-Attorney to follow her wishes.  We already have the

DNR notice with all her doctors and at the facility.  

7.        You should also be able to determine the following in your community, just in case:

1. Adult Daycare
2. Good Care Facilities (I’m thinking Memory Care, but you might think of other reasons)
3. Support Groups for you or your family.
4. Life Insurance
5. Medical Records - have a list of allergies to drugs and other items.
6. A list of Bank Accounts, Savings, Investments (who is your broker(s), Life Insurance, Titles, Deeds, etc.  And, should you have a bank deposit box, please let them know, this as well.

My father did it right - mostly.  Before he died and when he and Mom went on that fateful trip, he showed her where all that information was kept.  He held it all in a file drawer in clearly marked file folders, together, toward the front.  This eliminated a great deal of confusion.  He clearly marked out instructions for Mom, knowing she’d not be thinking clearly (and she was never really good at directions - she had other people do things that required them).  

Hopefully that took care of the majority of Ought To Haves - especially when dealing with a parent who refused to think she would ever suffer dementia, to those who might be able to plan for the Just In Case.