Book Review: We Are Not Ourselves - by Matthew Thomas

While wading through the information on Dementia, and trying to locate anything that would provide answers, there is something about reading a novel that provides support for those who are dealing with such an issue.  At first, I was hesitant.  Did I really need to read something that would trigger any response emotionally or psychically?  But one of the many voices in my head (no, I'm not schizophrenic) kept at me to give it a go.  I found the book worthwhile and it did give me a great deal to consider.

The story follows the life of Eileen Leary, the daughter of immigrants, who marries a neuroscientist.  While their lives are far from perfect, they reflect those of the average couple with their trials and tribulations;  their highs and lows.

Her husband, rather than work for the pharmaceutical companies, chooses to become a teacher.  Their background in medicine and their Irish heritage is where the commonalities end, as they are polar opposites of each other.

Eventually, Ed, her husband, begins to decline into dementia.  Eileen and their son, Connell, struggle to understand and deal with the issues that are raised.  In fact, Connell is visiting his father's lecture hall when there is an episode of memory loss that leaves everyone greatly confused.  The irony is that Ed's research has been on dementias and the like.

The novel encompasses Eileen's struggles to be wife, mother, nurse, and friend while dealing with their home life and maintaining a level of normalcy.   The isolation that evolves with close friends and others reflects that of those who become caregivers and need more support, rather than being left alone.

The book manages to explore the relationships, frustrations, and daily lives of these characters in a viable and realistic manner.  This is greatly appreciated as the focus isn't necessarily on the affliction, which becomes something of a character, but on the pathos of the family as they struggle and find ways to deal with the issues at hand - not always understanding, nor always being empathetic.

The novel begins while Eileen is a young girl, learning to survive in a world that isn't necessarily friendly.  Her parents have their problems, but her relationships with them bring her a resolve that lasts a lifetime.   She is practical and thinks through every decision.

She marries Ed, and even though he isn't neccessarily the Prince Charming she'd hoped for, she begins to learn and accept.   While they work hard and learn to keep their relationship going - neither is going to give up despite all the obstacles - there is more than a hint  of foreshadowing that occurs.

As Ed begins his decline, Eileen and their son, Connell, try to make sense of what is happening.  There is a sense of guilt, responsibility, anger, and acceptance that manifests in very human ways.  It's as though, throughout the novel, Matthew Thomas understands all the relationships that occur and lays them out in an honest portrayal.

I would recommend this book to anyone wondering what it is like to live a daily life while attempting to provide care  for someone whose disease isn't completely understood.    It bears in mind that the patient isn't always cooperative or understanding, either, and there are times when the cup has run dry and Eileen wants to give up.    There is good reason this was on the best seller list for so long.

So, if you want to read something uplifting, this probably isn't the book.   However, if you enjoy reading about real people and real struggles that mimic those of many in the community, and wish to have better understanding of the situation and what it could be, then you should definitely read this book.

Official Page:  We Are Not Ourselves - Matthew Thomas.  Simon & Shuster.  2014.  640 pp.

The book is available on:

Amazon - Kindle, Hardback, Paperback, Audio CD
Audible
Powell's City of Books - Used
Barnes & Noble - Hardcover, Paperback, Nookbook, Audio CD