I received a call from hospice the other day, and the nurse stated that she believed Mom was doing quite well. So, it was with positive anticipation I went to my visit today. To be honest, I visited twice. What I found was a very sleepy Momma.
She participated thrice in activities this week, possibly four times (the aide was going to fetch her for BINGO today, but that was on hold). She participated in a group chat for 30 minutes, earlier in the week, and then in 1:1 conversation for 20 minutes. The truth is, she didn’t want to do much at all - compared with the past 2-3 weeks, this is a HUGE change!
There will be some breaks with memories I just unearthed, to get a better view of Mum.
Top left - Counterclockwise: 1952, Mom with sons, Lawrence & Tommy; 196? in front of the rental cabin in Cannon Beach with Tommy, Dad, Mom, Grandaddy, Aunt Keiko, Me, Cousin Chris, and Cousin David; 195? Mom looking like a happy housewife (how they did that gives pause); Mom, Chris and Me - possibly Shuswap Lake, BC.
Mom has been eating well, missing only dinner on Friday. When I spoke with Ledi, she stated they were thinking about Mom going off hospice, but nothing was mentioned to me about that. It is true she seems quite with it - in her reality, but there is that nagging suspicion that something is going to happen - and happen it will!
1951 - Mom with the Baby Lawrence.
1952 - Mom playing beach bunny.
Here is the missive sent by Jean this week, and her comments:
Dear Tony,
I did get myself on the road today for St. Anthony's. I forgot to take a pill before leaving, and my foot was a nagging pain.
Norma was sitting at her/our table, facing Rosemary. Lunch was over; Norma still had half a glass of water and the empty coffee cup. She raised her eyebrows (in delight, I think) and smiled when she saw me. She was wearing light beige pants and a maroon warm pullover shirt.
I sat with the ladies for a while; Rosemary answered with her name when Norma asked her. She was quiet otherwise. Norma often speaks quite softly when others are near; at times she has told me to lower my voice, as a privacy issue. I do as told, of course. She was chatty, expressing views about different things--in phrases only, and so softly I could not always hear her. She said something about having gone somewhere (?) on a warm day.
I suggested going outside in the warm sunshine. She stood up, said her lower back hurt. We walked to the TV area, where she settled down on a black recliner--did not try to lift the foot area. So I sat down on the other black recliner. We watched people walking around, with Leah going back and forth several times, saying little. I always smile and sometimes say ‘Hello’ to other residents, but Norma tells me not to do that. She does not want to encourage them to chat or stay with us.
Beautiful new brown shoes! I asked if they are comfortable. Norma said they were actually made there, or someplace near there that St.A's owns. No support hose on, but why were her ankles wrapped with white wrappings? Her ankles look swollen; or is it those wrappings?
When we stood, I tried again for a garden visit. "We can sit on that wooden bench and enjoy the warm sunshine." No takers. We went into her room. She sat on a dining room chair next to her chair. Said she did not take it there, but something about why it was there; I did not follow her thoughts there. I told her I had to do something and handed her that calendar with the beautiful garden pictures. Then I skipped out (Jean is experiencing some painful medical issues, so this makes sense).
Today, when I visited Mom was asleep at her table with her paper in front of her. Rosemary was seated next to her - same (asleep with paper in front of her). The table near them was full of resident ladies all chitting the chat and smiling radiantly. I touched Mom’s leg and she came around. She was surprised to see me but stated that she was extremely tired. Then she went to reading her paper. I would ask her questions or remark on something and she would respond - but then went back to the paper. I then suggested I would come back later.
“Where are you going?”
“Taking the dogs for a hike”
“If you wait a few minutes, I’ll go with you!” (this was unexpected and a very bad idea!!!!!)
“Well, I’m not sure the weather is good enough for you to go, and you seem very tired.”
“Stop speaking nastily about people!”
I then decided to pretend to get something from the car (knowing she’d forget the exchange as well as my presence), and left.
I re-entered about 3 hours later and she was still in her seat at the table (after having indulged in lunch) with the paper in front of her (still, but on a different page). I told her I would check in with Ledi while she finished up. In two minutes, she was by my side telling me we needed to get going so we could load the car (your guess is as good as mine!). I took her to her room (she did state, “Through that door is my home - this place is my home, and these people take advantage of my kindness!”) where she entered and crawled into bed. She just lay there.
I offered to put on some music, but she stated that many people would find that type of statement offensive. So, I told her I was going to do it - and did. She found it restful. We talked about the changing colors in the garden, but she seemed more interested in what was under her eyelids. So, I told her I was going to check on the food so we could start loading it. She thought this a good idea. I left to speak to Ledi about her activity journals that week.
When I returned, she was fast asleep.
I’m not sure what is going to happen next, or if this lack of participation and willingness to do anything is a sign. She was in a very good mood this week. One resident, Pat, died yesterday, and Mom knew him from childhood, and his wife from college at Marylhurst. Mom seemed not to be aware.
This week will quite possibly be the one that tells us more - we know she’s declining but at what pace? Does this mean she’s about to cascade?
As I left, I also knew my brother was coming for a visit, as was my cousin Chris from Seattle (his father died of Parkinson’s last year). So, not only was she in good hands, but she would have plenty of attention!
We will see how that worked, later!
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