I remember when Mom was first diagnosed - it had been quite a wild ride those few weeks prior and after. I was riddled with guilt, exhausted from all the travelling and paperwork, and there truly seemed no end in sight.
At last, things seemed to calm down a bit - but there was still the demand on my time; never knowing what might pop up at the next bend, and trying to figure out what the best tactics would be for whatever came next.
Then, it seemed as though we were entering the final stages. Hospice came and began working with Mom. Her dilemma, it was discovered, was constipation, and it seemed to be cured with active culture yogurt! Go figure! Something that simple!
Mom began eating, again, and participating off and on in the activities of the cottage. She could no longer venture out as it seemed a cause of great stress and confusion for her. The doctor stated this could be a turn for the better before it went downhill; and so the waiting planning for that moment is ever present.
However, there are those times when it would seem Mom just wants someone to be next to her - someone who might bring a presence that means security. There may be no real reason to speak, but to be - there - in the moment; and then fetch her coffee when she wants it. No conversation but the silence.
Relationships evolve, change, rotate, you name it. There doesn’t seem to be any need to express what happens - it just does; no matter how you try to force it or put it into place - that’s artificial. That’s not a relationship.
And so, as Mom continues on (with whatever you might call her health, at this time), there is another person emerging with another mindset. It’s still the woman who raised us and drove us crackers; but it isn’t.
She has evolved - for better or worse - she is a person who has a world unlike ours and cannot express it as simply as you or I.
Sometimes appreciation is difficult; sometimes it’s harder to find the humor; but it’s all there for the taking. An acquired taste for the menu of life.
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