This has been a week of some ups but mostly downs. Read on:
On Monday, Mom seemed fine. She participated in her activities, and right after BINGO, she retired to her room to rest. She went to her recliner and stayed there. She didn’t eat, she didn’t arise for any reason, she just stayed. We aren’t talking about a couple of hours, here, but for more than 24 hours.
Staff tried to help her up, but she began swinging those well-known fists at them, so they backed off.
They phoned me to ask permission to call 911 for the firefighters to come and lift her so they could bathe her and change her - nothing else seemed to be working. I agreed, so long as they were forcibly gentle but gruff.
They had checked her for stroke symptoms, but all her vitals were fine - the only thing Mom refused to do was stick out her tongue.
I soon received another call from Noelle, the hospice nurse, that Mom was now bathed and comfortable in her bed. They hadn’t needed to phone 911, but Morina had saved the day.
Morina pushed everyone outside and then closed the door. She told me she first went to Mom’s closet and began going through her clothes, telling Mom what she was doing. This raised Mom’s ire. Mom told her to stop, and Morina said, “Get up and make me.”
Next, Morina went to Mom’s dresser and began going through her drawers. Mom was growing more and more agitated. Morina laughed and told her, “If you want me to stop, you’ll just have to get up and stop me.” Mom still sat.
Finally, Morina went to the bathroom and poked her head out and said, “Look! I’m in your bathroom now! I’m going to go through all your things in here!” This had irritated Mom so much that she arose and went to the bathroom. Morina then ran out of the room, grabbed Noelle and an aide, and the three of them prepped her for the shower. Mom was bathed and changed.
Wednesday morning, Mom arose and went back to bed after dressing.
The RLC came to visit in the early afternoon. Here is their account:
It was a frustrating time with Norma yesterday. We got there just after 1 pm, and Norma opened her door for us, greeting us as usual. Then she decided to lie down on her bed, barely speaking, with eyes closed, as we did our best to coax her to get up.
She was wearing some striped socks. Okay--but when we found the nice brown shoes for her, after learning (with great effort) that her gray slippers could not fit, Norma took the socks from the shoes, and took off the other socks, putting on the "used" ones. Okay--no biggie. We searched for more shoes--oh, how we searched--and Connie found the gray Sketchers under a pile of towels in the bathroom.
We did our darndest to get the Sketchers on Norma, but no shoe horn. None from a caregiver either (NB. Mom’s shoe horns are in the drawer by the sink) All this struggling was with Norma lying on her side, feet available. She sat up for awhile during this exercise/ordeal, then back to lying down.
At 2:30 we asked a caregiver for help. She said she would get Morina, who was due back from the music event. Soon Morina came in, reminded Norma she'd had no dinner, breakfast or lunch--to get up to eat.
More coaxing--Connie set her walker by the bed, to help Norma get up. After several tries, she did stand UP! Used the walker to go to the big room for lunch. No shoes on, but no problem. After 3 by then.
Lunch looked good--stuffed green pepper, with lots of meat, glass of water and cup of coffee. Connie had brought oranges; Jean peeled one for Norma, who showed no interest, and set the pieces artfully on a piece of paper towel. Norma almost licked her platter clean, including the orange pieces. She did not ask for anything else.
Norma set the WSJ on her lap, later, on the table. A bit before 4 pm we said our goodbyes, with no comment from her, and promised to come visit again. Norma sat quietly. We hope she at least glanced at the newspaper.
It was the saddest visit we have ever had. Almost no sensible words just phrases spoken in a low voice. I hope getting some food into Norma gave her a bit of energy.
Connie and Jean always can entertain one another, and we try to involve Norma...sometimes it works.
This is becoming the norm for Mom now.
After Connie & Jean left, Mom went to bed and stayed there.
Thursday, Mom arose around 10 and ate breakfast. She then ate about 10% of her lunch. After reading the paper, she went back to bed, where she rested - snoring quite loudly. Around dinner time, she came out, dressed in her sweater, wearing lipstick, purse on her arm, and said, “I’m ready to go now!”
When asked where she was going, it wasn’t clear she understood. She then retired to her room and went back to sleep.
Friday, she arose around 11, ate breakfast, looked at her paper, and then ate a tiny bit of lunch. Soon, my brother and his wife arrived from Seattle, and they visited with Mom. Mom wasn’t very talkative, so my sister-in-law got up and left the two of them alone. That’s when Mom began to converse - albeit in a very low and confused tone.
After a while, they helped her back to her room where she went back to sleep. She would not come out later, and remained in her room for the night. She would not eat that evening, either.
Saturday, Mom was up using the “facilities” when staff checked on her in the morning. They went back in a short time later to find her on her knees by her bed. Noelle and I discussed the possibility of a walker for her - it’s on order. Staff put her in bed and she remained there for the rest of the day, refusing to eat, except breakfast and some yogurt, which were fed to her.
Sunday morning, I received a call around 615am that Mom was, once again, found crumpled in the hallway. She was returned to bed. What I’ve also learned is that Mom can no longer support her own weight. So, I requested Noelle order a wheelchair - which means moving some of her furniture out of her room.
Today, I bought her some new slippers and a new pair of slip-ons that would more easily fit her feet, and would also facilitate easier putting them on and taking them off. I also showed staff where the shoe horn was.
Mom was fed breakfast, but had a tough time raising herself up; they gave her some methadone which enabled her to move a bit more so it would facilitate this. Then, she dropped off into a deep sleep.
When I went in to see her, she was fast asleep. She opened her eyes once or twice, but there was no waking her without her falling back into her slumbers within seconds.
The concerns here are whether or not she will have another go at being with us, or if this is the final descent into another life. Arrangements have already begun, just to be on the safe side, and to help ease the situation when it does occur.
Prayers are most welcome at this juncture.
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