There has been such a change in our mother in the past couple of weeks. It is remarkable that this is how swiftly the disease has progressed - now not understanding or knowing what will come next.
Years ago, had my mother been placed in a care facility it would have meant something so much different. I recall working, albeit briefly, in a nursing home in Portland, where the residents were either quite mobile, or they seemed to be placed in wheelchairs around the hallways to exist and nothing more. Times have truly changed.
When I read and re-read Dwayne Clark’s memoir, My Mother, My Son, I remember those days. Patients were tied down and nurses, as well as the physicians, were all too clinical in their approach. I thank God for change.
Twenty years ago when my father’s mother was placed in a facility, she had many activities and there was always someone there to help her. Once she fell, though, and became bed-ridden she was confined to a bed; she was still able, for some time, to come for dinner, but soon that became impossible due to her condition. Luckily, there was a saintly woman who came into the room with her - a woman who had no need of any medical attention (as did my grandmother) but stayed with certain residents who could use more companionship in their later years. She was a Godsend, indeed.
Now, it appears as though the patients come first and the staff enjoy coming to work and engaging the residents, which in turn helps keep spirits alive. There is great advancement toward keeping dignity and personhood alive in the communities.
Think about it.
My mother could not reside in a house, even with another person living with her. She’s just too damn stubborn and bullheaded. She would do what she wanted despite anything doctors, workers, or anyone said; if she wanted to do it she would. She would have also fired people right and left. I do recall her telling me I would have to take care of her and we would live together until death. I inquired what she would do after 3 months. She didn’t find this amusing at all, but the truth is that it would have been impossible!
Today, she has a large room, which serves as an apartment, despite her condition. She has a view of the garden, she used to walk out to the dining room and great room, move about the building and walk over to another. She was taken out to the rest of the facility and into the gardens, the church, and into the neighborhood for walks. These people enjoy spending time with her. They show her respect and most of the time she reciprocates.
Still, though, even in her declining state, she is taken care of with great warmth and gentility. She is never thought of as a patient but as herself. This is so very important.
According to The influence of relationships on personhood in dementia …, the relationship between the person and those around them help keep them more themselves, as they are more than the disease. It is imperative to remember this and to build and keep those connections between families, friends, and others alive.
My hat is off to all caregivers, especially those who truly give themselves over to their task, which cannot be an easy one. For those who work with Mom, there are no words or deeds I can proffer that would even hint at the gratitude and admiration I have for you. Thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment