Holiday Stress and Dementia - Give the Gift of Being

The holidays are full of wonderful, joyous, and exciting events.  For those with dementia, though, the holidays can be quite stressful, despite all the glitz, glitter, tinsel and packages.  

While most are fighting crowds, looking for the perfect presents, dodging traffic, and attempting to bring cheer to everyone, the stress that comes with dementia is of a different, yet similar ilk.

Just for selfish reasons, let’s use Mom as our person with dementia.  First of all, being surrounded by too many people conversing and moving about creates a great deal of frustration; it’s quite difficult for her to hear, let alone follow, what they are all talking about.  Not only that but the sounds distract even if someone is having a face-to-face with her, which frustrates her and makes her rather cranky.  Who can blame her?  

Despite the festive nature, Mom is lost in her reality which doesn’t have a footing in the here and now.  We attempt to make her comfortable and aware of the jolliness of the occasion, but it’s all for naught.  What she wants is calm, serenity, and the knowledge she’s safe and secure - and with all that chatter and activity her sense of being is disrupted and gone.  

People ask why we don’t include Mom in the festivities and I need to explain it’s a lose-lose situation - she is miserable and as a result no one can enjoy themselves for worry about her.  There is no joy for her.  The better present is to visit her and enjoy her in her environment while presenting her with the gifts.  

What gifts to give?  What does she need?  What would actually bring her enjoyment?  Music? Towels? Sheets? Soaps?  Some new clothes?  Practical gifts that she could use and appreciate while not aware she is, as she will forget she ever had them within minutes.  Her cd player needs to be operated by someone else, and she is dressed with help from others.  Everything appears and happens as if by magic.  Her wish of being Queen has been granted.  That, in an ironic manner, is the greatest gift.

So, when believing there is a sense of necessity to include your elders, who may suffer dementia, in your activities, please understand that your need and their needs may differ; they may not appreciate or want to be included for whatever reasons.  Demonstrating appreciation for them and making time for them may be the best gift you could bring them - and not only for the holidays but throughout the year.  You’ll find yourself understanding more as you do.