Remembering the hellish nightmare that happened 2 years ago sometimes gives me pause.
I consider the options that should have been available to us, but the doctors were adamant - Memory Care!
Mom was on the verge of being in the right spot with memory care, but she could also have mistakenly been placed into a foster care or assisted living facility, which would have been tantamount (at that time) to arresting Osama Bin Laden and putting him on house arrest - it simply would not have been successful in any notion.
Part of the problem is that, sadly, most people in the field still don't comprehend Lewy Body Dementia; they seem to stick to Alzheimer's and put LBD under the umbrella, even though it's on a bench across the park path. I was cautioned of this when I began seeking another physician for Mom - I was told that one of the services would come to assess her and would undoubtedly find her better suited to an assisted care facility or foster home. So, I began working things out and made some calls. Fortunately nothing stopped us.
Everytime I go in to her facility I see family members visiting with their loved ones. There are those who are "dumped" by their families, for whatever reason, and this seems unconcienable. However, the staff and many of the other residents become their kith and kin, despite their loneliness.
I do remember thinking it might be best for Mom and her next door neighbor, Charlie, to condense into one house and rent out the other, but both Charile and Mom thought it an awful idea. Charlie said something about homocide and Mom said something about not wanting another person to care for (when it was she I was worried about).
Next, I thought we should find some Visiting Angels to come help her with some chores, to take the angst out. When I mentioned this she scoffed and told me they wouldn't get past the front door. She took this as an affront to her indepence and capabilities.
I could think of nothing else.
When she was remanded to the hospital for evaluation I did a self-inventory as to whether or not I could survive the seas of taking care of Mom - she had seemed completely lost without me when I was about; I had no peace during those last months, and it was obvious she needed something. Mentally and psychically I wasn't ready or up to the job. My brothers were very good about helping me see this.
So, then came the only option - Memory Care. This was actually easy when I focused and locked in without really giving it any emotional power. After moving her in, and taking care of everything else, that's when the shoe fell. It's much better now.
But I hear people who are falling apart and cannot fathom placing their loved ones in a facility.
What are Their Options?
1. Adult Day Care.
This is actually a wonderful way for you both to take a vacation from each other. They have lots of stimulation, food, and activities to occupy them, while you are able to meet with friends, shop, or just go home and sleep and relax until pick up time.
2. In Home Nursing Care.
This, too can give you a break. You might even have someone who spends the nights with the patient while you sleep in another room; this way you might be able to get a good night's rest. This could be expensive, but MedicAid may help.
While the above two might provide some help, they will not provide the consistent means to monitor and care for the patient. When your health and mental well-being are faltering, you've really not much choice. I've seen many people heart sick over making such a determination, and they spend a great deal of time with their loved ones, and many times they begin to heal themselves. That's why the following two options are ones that many begin to investigate with much fear and trepidation:
3. Assisted Living.
Oh yes. This would mean moving them away. While they're still independent this is a good option - insofar as many daily routines. However, when the patient becomes incontinent, or begins to have troubles with movement, etc., then this option is off the table. This can be expensive! but depending on the package and the placement, you might be able to find some help through insurance or MedicAid. This is also an option when the patient begins to lose balance, this may also be an option.
4. Memory Care.
There are some wonderful placements out there; I'd have to admit Mom is in one. Many can be quite expensive - I know a woman who's husband's placement in just Assisted Living is more than twice the amount spent on Mom's care per month, and she is quite unhappy with what she's finding. I'd hate to know what she may end up spending on Memory Care.
Memory Care is the last resort, in most cases. However, if they provide good palliative care, and tend to all the residents' needs, then you are doing quite well. They do compete with one another, and this is a good thing in many respects.
I see all types of activities in Mom's care facility. They have freedom of movement, lots of light, wide-open spaces, a bountiful garden with benches and space and a path to the other cottage, should they choose to wander in and take a gander.
When is it time?
When you are at risk of becoming ill and can no longer care for yourself, let alone another.
I hope you found some help in the above, or it began to help you think of other options which could help.
I consider the options that should have been available to us, but the doctors were adamant - Memory Care!
Mom was on the verge of being in the right spot with memory care, but she could also have mistakenly been placed into a foster care or assisted living facility, which would have been tantamount (at that time) to arresting Osama Bin Laden and putting him on house arrest - it simply would not have been successful in any notion.
Part of the problem is that, sadly, most people in the field still don't comprehend Lewy Body Dementia; they seem to stick to Alzheimer's and put LBD under the umbrella, even though it's on a bench across the park path. I was cautioned of this when I began seeking another physician for Mom - I was told that one of the services would come to assess her and would undoubtedly find her better suited to an assisted care facility or foster home. So, I began working things out and made some calls. Fortunately nothing stopped us.
Everytime I go in to her facility I see family members visiting with their loved ones. There are those who are "dumped" by their families, for whatever reason, and this seems unconcienable. However, the staff and many of the other residents become their kith and kin, despite their loneliness.
I do remember thinking it might be best for Mom and her next door neighbor, Charlie, to condense into one house and rent out the other, but both Charile and Mom thought it an awful idea. Charlie said something about homocide and Mom said something about not wanting another person to care for (when it was she I was worried about).
Next, I thought we should find some Visiting Angels to come help her with some chores, to take the angst out. When I mentioned this she scoffed and told me they wouldn't get past the front door. She took this as an affront to her indepence and capabilities.
I could think of nothing else.
When she was remanded to the hospital for evaluation I did a self-inventory as to whether or not I could survive the seas of taking care of Mom - she had seemed completely lost without me when I was about; I had no peace during those last months, and it was obvious she needed something. Mentally and psychically I wasn't ready or up to the job. My brothers were very good about helping me see this.
So, then came the only option - Memory Care. This was actually easy when I focused and locked in without really giving it any emotional power. After moving her in, and taking care of everything else, that's when the shoe fell. It's much better now.
But I hear people who are falling apart and cannot fathom placing their loved ones in a facility.
What are Their Options?
1. Adult Day Care.
This is actually a wonderful way for you both to take a vacation from each other. They have lots of stimulation, food, and activities to occupy them, while you are able to meet with friends, shop, or just go home and sleep and relax until pick up time.
2. In Home Nursing Care.
This, too can give you a break. You might even have someone who spends the nights with the patient while you sleep in another room; this way you might be able to get a good night's rest. This could be expensive, but MedicAid may help.
While the above two might provide some help, they will not provide the consistent means to monitor and care for the patient. When your health and mental well-being are faltering, you've really not much choice. I've seen many people heart sick over making such a determination, and they spend a great deal of time with their loved ones, and many times they begin to heal themselves. That's why the following two options are ones that many begin to investigate with much fear and trepidation:
3. Assisted Living.
Oh yes. This would mean moving them away. While they're still independent this is a good option - insofar as many daily routines. However, when the patient becomes incontinent, or begins to have troubles with movement, etc., then this option is off the table. This can be expensive! but depending on the package and the placement, you might be able to find some help through insurance or MedicAid. This is also an option when the patient begins to lose balance, this may also be an option.
4. Memory Care.
There are some wonderful placements out there; I'd have to admit Mom is in one. Many can be quite expensive - I know a woman who's husband's placement in just Assisted Living is more than twice the amount spent on Mom's care per month, and she is quite unhappy with what she's finding. I'd hate to know what she may end up spending on Memory Care.
Memory Care is the last resort, in most cases. However, if they provide good palliative care, and tend to all the residents' needs, then you are doing quite well. They do compete with one another, and this is a good thing in many respects.
I see all types of activities in Mom's care facility. They have freedom of movement, lots of light, wide-open spaces, a bountiful garden with benches and space and a path to the other cottage, should they choose to wander in and take a gander.
When is it time?
When you are at risk of becoming ill and can no longer care for yourself, let alone another.
I hope you found some help in the above, or it began to help you think of other options which could help.
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